Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
