I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
did i walk over a car last night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
