This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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