My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
