dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
