i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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