This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
