Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
