R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
