Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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