nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
