my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
