Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
