i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
