if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
