Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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