your parents love me but you hate me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
