I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize