Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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