i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize