I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
