What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
