He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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