he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
