There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
