she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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