These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
