he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
