I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
