i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
