Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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