I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
