im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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