I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
