She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
