so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
