you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
