weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
