super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
