On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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