The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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