don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
is that a dick in a sweater?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
