I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize