That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
