I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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