You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
