if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
