you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
