I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Are my feet made of real feet?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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