I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
