My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
