Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
