No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
