Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
