So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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