even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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