high people should be assigned attendants
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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