is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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