His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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