So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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