im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
