My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
