yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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