She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
