I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she looked like the before picture.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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