Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
