This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
