Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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