I will die if light touches me.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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