he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
