Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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