theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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