At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
