I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
