This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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