awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
