Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
