You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
