just tell him i said nine months
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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