Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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