I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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