I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
