it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
