ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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