i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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