If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
