Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
