Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
